The Real Big Daddy
by Blood For Blood
Summary: I got bored, so i changed the lyrics to Eminem's song the real slim Shady. The Real Big Daddy. Sung by Delta. deal with it. one shot.


May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Big Daddy please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Big Daddy please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here…

Y'all act like ya never seen an Alpha Series before

Jaws all on the floor like a Splicer, like a Bouncer just burst through the door

And started whoopin ass worse than before

They first bled out, throwing him at furniture

It's the return of the… Awww no way, he didn't just do what I think he did, did he?

And Ryan said… nothing you idiots!

Ryan's dead, he's locked in my basement!

Feminist Big Sisters love Big Daddies.

"Delta, I'm sick of him. Walking around, revving his you-know-what

Killing you-know-who" "Yeah but he's so cute though!"

Yeah I probably got a couple screws up in my helmet loose

But it's no worse than what's going on in Big Sister's bedroom!

Sometimes, I wanna get on the TV and let loose

But can't but it's cool for a Splicer to hump a dead moose

"My drill is on my hip; my drill is on my hip

And if you're lucky I might just punch you in the lip

And that's the message we deliver to Little Sis

And expect em not to know how old Big Sister really is

Of course their gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They listen to Big Sister, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals… "Well, some Spider Splicers

Cut other people open like cantaloupes"

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason two Splicers can't elope

But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote

Big Sisters wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

_[Chorus (repeat X2)]_

'_Cause I'm Big Daddy, yes I'm the Big Daddy_

_All you other Big Daddies are just shabby_

_So won't the real Big Daddy please stand up_

_Please stand up, please stand up?_

Well the Rosie don't gotta cuss in his fights to win,

Well I do so fuck him, and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a stab wound?

Half of you scientists can't even stomach me, let alone stand me.

"But Delta, what if you get recalled, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys can lie, so you can get me here?

So you can sit me next to a bunch of coma victims?

Big Sister better switch me chairs, so I can sit next to Suchong and Alexander

And listen to them argue over who Rapture came to first.

You little bitch put on me on blast on Rapture TV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Lamb, hee-hee."

I think I should download the audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Delta VD.

I'm sick of you Splicer groups, all you do is annoy me, so I've been sent to destroy you!

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me

Who look like me; walk, moan, and act just like me

And might just be the next best thing but not quite me!

_[Chorus]_

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you things you

Things you joke about with your friends in your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say

In front of y'all and don't even have to sugarcoat it at all

I just get on the PA and spit it

And whether you'd like to admit it or not, I just shit it

Better than all you punks out there

Then you wonder why Little Sisters eat up this shit like valiums

It's funny; cause at the rate I'm going when I'm forty

I'll be the only person in the Protector labs flirting

Pinching Big Sister's asses while I'm watchin dirty security tapes with Jackson

And he's trying to jerk but that whole bag of Viagra ain't workin

And every single person is a Big Daddy lurking

He could be working at a restaurant, spitting in your soup

Or running around Ryan Amusements, screaming I don't give a fuck!

So will the real Big Daddy please stand up?

And put one of those proud fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be under mind control

And one more time, as loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus X4]

Ha ha

Guess there's a Big Daddy inside all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up


End file.
